Story Surgery

At the end of this week we have to hand in everything we have so far. To get the most feedback I want to get my story settled and boarded with text on it.  (If possible as an animatic so I can get it sent off to Dan to start the music.) So I put my story board up in the studio and have been pestering people to talk to me about it all day.  Claire helped me realise that I hadn't found a clear premise to the story, and that would enable me to clarify an ending and the point of all the events before.  

I think that the point for me is that Hannah's family love her, even if she doesn't see it.  This afternoon Alan came round to give us some help and he really helped me see that where I was looking to add stuff to the story to help it all link together, I actually needed to strip it back to the key elements, which then seemed to all fall into place.  

Her mother is busy but not neglectful, and she doesn't directly ask her for attention.  When she goes to find the moon it is like her going to find a connection to her mother.  Seeing this made me realise most of the stuff with friends, school and other family members is unnecessary, I only need one family member.  It also helped bring it to a logical end. When the fog clears at the end and the magic of the tree has gone, Hannah is left at the top. Meanwhile her mother has noticed her missing and come after her, she finds Hannah stuck at the top of the tree and guides her down. 

Other things that we spoke about where not showing the mother as a whole at the beginning, not her face, perhaps just her hands being busy doing jobs, as this is all Hannah sees, not the full picture.  This can follow through the story with the tree's hands lifting her to the moon and her mother's hands lifting her down.  Alan also suggested a lovely idea, with her misting up the window at the beginning while she speaks and then wiping it away with her hand, this can act as foreshadowing for when the tree comes to life and lifts her up, he can use his branches/hands to wipe away the fog.  Ainslie had a good idea about her words collecting in the sky and forming the blackness around the moon.

Now, home to watch Coraline, I hear it's quite similar in theme.